The God who may or may not be there... Maybe.

Yesterday evening, I somehow stumbled upon the website for the "documentary" called The God Who Wasn't There and it made me wonder things.

First, if it's about how there is no God and Jesus never existed, then why'd they choose the url to be "the God movie". Isn't that like having a movie about white things and then choosing the url for the website to be, "TheBlackThingsMovie.com"?

Obviously, I haven't seen it, but maybe it's so bad that it actually leads a person to lean towards God in a backlashy kind of way? lol

Second, the site says there are interviews with people on the dvd, two of whom are "Barbara & David P. Mikkelson, authors of the Urban Legends Reference Pages at snopes.com". So I went to snopes thinking maybe they can help me figure out if Jesus really was real, you know, since they're authorities on an anti-God documentary's dvd... So I meandered over to snopes.com, put "Jesus existed" in the search bar and the first result was whether or not Jesus was going to be portrayed as a gay man in a movie... Aside from that, the search yielded a bunch of modern hoaxes and chain email scare things, but nothing on the actual birth, life, death and resurrection of Jesus.

I guess I have to see the interview to find out what their purpose is, what authority they have and which ideas they push, because to me, something is missing.

Now, I'm just inferring things here, obviously, because I haven't seen it yet. If the knowledge the writers from snopes share on the dvd is congruent with the message the director wanted to convey (which it should be if they are used in the advertising, listed among other "famous" authorities on godlessness that back up the film's claims), the interview would have a distinct anti-Jesus sentiment, right? And in theory, since they write a website debunking urban legends, they should have the back up to prove their point one way or the other.

But what I have an issue with is why would they be outspoken on an anti-Jesus documentary but not on their own site? Why would they lend their names to such a divisive, single-purpose movie without backing up their stance on their own platform? Unless they have, and I just can't find it, or unless they end up unexpectedly professing their love and dedication for Jesus on that dvd... *shrug*

Often, I've heard atheists, including myself at one point, say, "If there is a God, I highly doubt he'll send me to hell just because I didn't believe in him." I thought I was a relatively good person and in the grand scheme of things, not believing in God was not all that significant.

There are two things wrong with that idea.

First, without realizing it, my atheist belief that God would not punish me and send me to hell is actually a disguised belief in a loving, forgiving and just God. Think about it. For me to be certain that the God I don't believe in won't send me to hell, I have to believe he's a good God and not a God full of wrath. Part of me has to believe that, otherwise, I might become fearful that if I am wrong and IF there is a God, I probably will go to hell, if hell does exist.

Second, believing that God wouldn't send an atheist or even an agnostic to hell just because they hadn't believed absolves a person of any responsibility. If you believe in God and believe in heaven and hell, in theory, your life is changed by those beliefs. Your heart changes and you submit to God, not only because He is the Almighty, powerful Creator of everything and He breathed life into you, but also because you love Him with all your heart and your soul. We sacrifice for those we love and that which we love. We give the things and people we love our time, our money and our hearts. We work for them out of devotion and care.

But to be comforted by a God who is so loving and forgiving without making any sort of sacrifices in appreciation is purely selfish, arrogant and prideful. Instead of submitting to God, the person is taking advantage of the free gifts while knowingly and proudly turning their back to God. As in the story of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, they are choosing their independence rather than a relationship with God. And as Tim Keller said in the Q&A part of his lecture at Berkley (paraphrased, of course), if you reject a relationship with God, you have chosen to go to hell. You have made that choice. God doesn't have to decide for you.

Now, of course, atheists will say, "That's fine. I don't believe in hell anyway." But what if you're wrong? What if there is a hell? How can you be sure there isn't? And if you really think you know all of the answers of the universe, and you have life all figured out, how come you haven't been able to convince the masses? How come your message is not received? How come, in all your certainty, you're not convincing?

It always seems to come down to faith. I learned sometime last year that faith is a choice.

Jesus was the product of an immaculate conception, he performed miracles and healed so many people, he died on the cross, resurrected on the third day and then ascended into heaven.

If Jesus wasn't God, then none of it is true and it's all just a very famous fairy tale that a whole bunch of people were fooled into believing. And if Jesus was God, then anything is possible. If He created the universe, how is it not possible for Him to do things beyond our small world's capacity? And the difference between the former and the latter is faith. It's a choice. It's basically saying the supernatural is possible because I don't know everything about the universe and I am humble enough to say I'm not the be all and end all. I am not the ultimate. I was given life, this life, not because my soul is awesome, but because somehow somebody somewhere chose me to live this particular life. Somehow my soul not only exists, but it ended up in this body because somebody [greater] thought I might possibly do great things with it.

If none of that is true, then my life is meaningless except for the few instances of gratification I might find along the way. And sure, that's a possibility, but why take comfort in meaninglessness? Just as a believer takes comfort in the love of God, the non-believer takes comfort in the meaninglessness.

How can meaninglessness be comforting? It all lies in the self. I am me, I am all I have and I am all there is. I am in control of my life, my destiny, my actions and my thought. It's just me. If my life is wasted, it's on me. If my life is awesome, I earned it through hard work. I am responsible for me. I am responsible for protecting myself and my body. If hardship, illness and suffering come upon me, such is life, life is hard and life is about survival. The hardship of life is natural and non-discriminatory, and it is up to me to learn how to cope and overcome the hard parts such that they don't overcome me. It's all me. I am independent, self-reliant, self-sufficient and nobody will look out for me but me. I am in total control of me and the things I don't control, I control my reactions toward.

There is no long term possibility of disappointment when you're by yourself in the universe. Nobody can hurt you unless you let them. Nobody can abandon you. Nobody will fail to show up in those moments where you absolutely need somebody. There is no possibility that somebody knows all of you, knows the absolute core of your person, knows how hard you try and how much you suffer and add to it all while watching you struggle, saying nothing and seemingly not being helpful. There is also no possibility that all of this suffering was not accidental, rather calculated and planned. There is no possibility that you are not in control of yourself.

It's reassuring.

It's more reassuring than the thought of setting your life path toward a certain ambition, working harder than anybody has ever worked every day of your life, and never achieving it regardless for no tangible reason.

They say God answers your prayers, just not always in the way you'd like them to be answered. I think one thing most of us pray for, even as non-believers is purpose. We want to leave a mark in this universe before we leave. We want a legacy.

But that's not what a godly life is about. A godly life is about living a life that leaves a legacy in His name. He's about achievement that glorifies and honors Him, rather than ourselves. So what if when we pray for purpose, God answers by taking away that which we rely on for purpose, rendering our life as we know it completely and utterly meaningless? We get back up again, dust ourselves off and aim toward a new purpose. And some of us go through this again and again and again. We see every fall as a failure, as somehow being on the wrong path, and yet, our every attempt seems to end with us falling anyway. We either fall by truly failing somehow, or simply by losing our lust for whatever our goal was.

What if we relinquish control completely? What if we pray, "God, guide me to wherever it is you want me to be," and then just listen for a while with an open heart and see what happens. If there is no God, God won't move within your life. If there is a God, He might move and He might not. Either way, when you start to truly listen, when you start to open your heart and mind to the idea of being led to right path instead of feeling in total control of your own journey, you might see opportunities you would have missed otherwise.

When I go on road trips, I love getting lost. Sure, it's a waste of time and resources, but often, when I get completely lost, I see the most beautiful things that I would never have seen otherwise. When you're lost, you look around a lot more than when you're on the right path. You take in more, hoping to recognize something, anything, and in the process, you pay attention to all the tiny details and find the incredible beauty you ideally were never supposed to witness.

That's kind of how praying started for me. The Christians I knew said, "Just pray to God that he'd show himself to you." And so I did. But the thing with asking somebody to show you something is once you do, if you genuinely mean it, you have to look for it.

If you ask an unfaithful spouse or a friend who has betrayed you to give you reasons to trust again, you have to look for them. You have to try to feel them, otherwise no amount of effort on their part will ever sink in and redeem themselves in your eyes. Without your heart opening, all of their actions just fall to the ground, useless and insignificant.

Now hear me out for a minute: If you want to see God, you just have to look for Him. I'm not telling you whether or not He exists, just that He can be everything, and it's up to you to see Him or not. He might not exist and yet we still might see Him- kind of like how a person's horoscope seems accurate because it's so general, but that doesn't make it actual truth. And if you open your heart to the possibility of seeing Him, the rest will follow. You'll see the choice you have to make that I mentioned earlier: either it's all God, or it isn't.

At the end of it, maybe I'm too idealistic, but I really, really don't think anybody would say He's "the God who wasn't there", because even if you choose not to believe, suddenly, you'll respectfully see how others might veer in the toward the other option.

And if that happens, you just might end up an in-betweeny like me.

Sucka! Hehe. :D

Just kidding...

Maybe.