Daily bread.

Two things tweeted by PastorTyler this afternoon, which are quotes from Pastor JD Greear from the Advance 09 conference:

"Religious people do "things" to feel good about themselves so they can avoid God."

"Religion reduces God to a set of duties."

So as discussed in my post from earlier today, as a Christian I feel it has become my duty to be a part of the church, and to measure up to fellow Christians, I should be a part of a Christian community (i.e. a church).

In discussing the first quote above with one of my all-time favorite people, Erin, she didn't entirely agree and said, "A lot of things that I do, I do to become closer to God. I believe in worship by actions rather than merely prayer or church attendance."

I guess in a perfect world, our entire life would draw us closer to God, reflect God and bring glory to God also, but we human people are all fundamentally selfish and we're really busy, right? But if we only were to make time for one or the other, in my experience thus far, a person has a greater positive impact on the world around them when they live a life as my awesome friend suggests than if they simply go to church and neglect Jesus in their every day living, afflicted with "Christian Sunday Syndrome", as Erin called it..

Therefore, by studying the Gospel, trying to live the Gospel more and more every day, and trying to teach the Gospel to those around me, I feel I'm a better Christian than I would be as a nominal church-going Christian.

God, forgive me for being comparing through judgment. :D

But you know what I mean, right? I'm not in the worst shape as far as my relationship with God and spirituality are concerned. Well, I hope not anyway. I try my best to connect with God as often as I can simply because for me, that connection, or the strong feeling of connectivity with God, is extremely difficult.

I was listening to another sermon from another pastor yesterday (right now, I can't even remember which one) and at one point, he said something like, "God knows your heart. He knows if you really love Him or not and if you're in it for the long term." But do we know our own heart? Are we capable of really knowing ourselves that deeply and with that much certainty? If we aren't, will we ever feel like we've opened our hearts adequately to God? And if we are, where is the boundary between being aware of your salvation and being prideful of salvation you don't really have?

Sometimes, I wonder if I actually believe in God or if I just love everything that comes with the believing- the challenge, the learning, the peace and the love. In the moments where I don't feel God at all, I question my heart. And while I'm told not feeling God's presence usually happens in times of hardship and tragedy because in those moments, a person feels abandoned by God, personally, lately, I've lost God in the better times. When my heart is at peace, I take advantage to do other things with my time. When there are happy distractions, I let myself go and lose focus. And I really think that those moments are sinful because in my good times, I'm not inviting God in to participate. In the bad times, I'm far more likely to ask God for guidance and help, which is exactly the opposite of how I thought I would feel going into this.

If our suffering is meant to bring us closer to God, I worry that I will have to endure a lot more of it to finally allow God to be present in all aspects of my life. Today, I found myself missing the horrible times I went through a few months ago because I longed for that connectivity to God that I had found in my trauma. I longed for a reason to give up control to God and I wish I could get it somehow aside from through the helplessness that comes in the face of some sort of tragedy.

But I'm glad He was there in those times. I'm grateful that He helped me heal and continues to do so every day. I thought I would never get over it. I thought my heart would never mend and that the wounds would stay perfectly fresh and my anger unbelievably boiling. Time may heal wounds, but I really thought there wasn't enough time in the world to heal these and God stepped in.

But I wish He could step in now. Just on a regular weekday afternoon.

And I guess, somehow, striving for that connection all the time, even if I don't go to church (yet), keeps me from avoiding God and on the other hand, as long as I see church as a "duty", I shouldn't go either. I should go for that same desire and longing for God, not just because I want to feel good about my "wholeness" in Christianity.

Let's see what else has been posted from Advance 09's sessions of today. lol